The Midnight News 8.23.01
Posted By Hyatte on 08.23.01
The WWF Situation, Russo, Fun with Joanie, Ohio, Scherer, Ryder, Rena, and Flames from a Wrestler (Must Read)
Poor Scott. I understand you're feeling rejected but let me ask you this: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR HYATTE LATELY? I send him links to those porno joke he likes, I give him feedback for his columns, I take care of his NEEDS! I know you'd like to see your name plugged in his column all week like ME, but you're yesterday's news so get over it! (Actually you are, your letter was in yesterday's column)
Yohann Tremblay
There's something.... weirdly erotic about two guys fighting for my love.
Not much news... but I DO have a series of e-mails from a so-called Indy worker... who, as you will see, proves to be the dumbest person you'll ever read. You will LOVE this.
TOO MANY COOKS...
Scherer reported that DDP will be out of action and away from the WWF for a few weeks due to knee surgery. While he is doing so, the WWF writers will try to come up with a brand new direction for him.
1bob also mentions that the WWF writers have been having a very tough time coming up with ideas for all these wrestlers.
Then, hire writers who WILL!!!! That's what I say.
And you know what... not for nothing, but Vince Russo, no matter WHAT you think of him, managed to find something for EVERY WCW wrestler to do... and in some cases ("Screaming" Norman Smiley, Hacksaw the Janitor), actually was effective.
HIRE RUSSO BACK, DAMMIT!!!!
Well... hire someone. (Just not Scott Keith OR Tommy Fierro)
Speaking of which...
RUSSO INVADES AUSTRALIA
There's a conspiracy afoot, as a WWA tour in Australia, (the one where Vince Russo is working on a match between Disco Inferno and a Kangaroo) continues to make bold claims...
This is no joke... I received this e-mail Wednesday morning:
This is all legit. The wwa doesn't want any of this out yet.
Wrestling for them on their tours over to Australia and England in October and November will include the following:
SID VICIOUS
JEFF JARRETT
MARCUS "BUFF" BAGWELL
ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES
KRONIC
KEN SHAMROCK
JUVENTUD GUERRERRA
BRET HART WILL BE PART OF THE SHOW, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, BUT WILL ONLY HAVE A SPEAKING ROLE.
I swear this is all true.
Apparently Ryder's site already knows all of this, plus probably alot more, but they have been asked not leak the info.
Andrew McManus and Vince Russo are the guys putting this things together. A bunch of other people too. Again, I this info is true - all of those workers WILL BE ON THE TOUR!!
McManus is still negotiating with Scott Hall, but it seems unlikely at this point.
Name withheld by request.
Interesting...
JOANESE TAKE-OUT
A pair of the girl-formerly-known-as-Chyna-and-formerly-a-man news to enjoy... (horrible sentence... pitiful).
First, someone alerted me to this being on the great 411 Newsboard. Someone at CNN asked some silly questions to the Big Gal... her answers were completely designed to further her career... as I will point out.
Q: What movie or TV show had the most influence on you -- good or bad -- when you were a kid?
Joanie: "Wonder Woman" - I thought for that time (the late 1970s) she displayed the perfect blend of beauty and strength. I loved her black hair and red lipstick look! (trans: Dear God, I will blow ANYONE for this part!! I NEED this part!! Pleaseopleaseoplease give me this part!!! I left the WWF because I thought I'd get this part!!!)
Q: If you could be transformed into an animal, what kind would you pick?
Joanie: I wouldn't be an animal - I'd be a mermaid and live out a fantasy life. I love the water. Mermaids are very beautiful, they can sing, and they're good swimmers! (Trans: I'm available for the sequel to Splash!! I can sing!! Sign me up for the sequel to The Little Mermaid too!!!)
Q: What three adjectives would you most like people to use when describing you?
Joanie: Intelligence, strength and beauty (trans: I'm MORE than just a wrestler!! No, really... I'm a well formed, all american woman!!! No, really.. a woman!!)
Q: If you could go back in history and witness one event -- or meet one person -- what or who would it be?
Joanie: I would say Hitler because I find his power fascinating and I don't understand how it happened. It is so scary to me that one man could create such power so there must have been something unbelievably compelling about him. (trans: I don't really give a frog's fat fart about anyone or anything but my career, my agent told me this would be a unique answer to get people talking about my brains!)
Q: What scares you?
Joanie: Being alone. Growing old. Letting the common things in life pass me by because I'm doing so many outrageous and crazy things (trans: Look at me! I am like, SO introspective!!! I am NOT a freak!! I am CULTURED!!)
Moving on, Nick Daly sent me Chyna's schedule for the near future.... all legit...
September 1:
Red Rock State Park
Gallup, NM
5:30 - 7:30 p.m.
Call for details: (507) 254-8744
September 2:
14th Annual Tri-Star Collectors Show
8th & Brannan Streets
San Francisco, CA
1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.
Call Tri-Star for details: (713) 666-9595
or log on to www.tristarshows.com
November 18:
Rock 'n' Willy's
Stroudsburg Mall
East Stroudsburg, PA
1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.
Call for details: (570) 476-4812
November 24:
42nd Annual O'Reilly Auto Parts Autorama
Reliant Park (AstroDomain)
Houston, TX
2:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
December 27:
Washington Area New Automobile Dealers Association
60th Annual Washington Auto Show
Washington Convention Center
900 Ninth Street
Washington, DC
1:00 - 3:00 p.m. tentative time
Call for details: (404) 262-7811
December 27:
Snowball Charity Gala
(By Invitation Only)
Benefitting the Greater Washington Boys & Girls Club
Ritz Carlton
Washington, DC
The Autoparts Autorama.... her star is RISING!!!
CORNETTE GETS SOME WWF LUV!!
You know it's a slow day when I'm reporting OHIO WRESTLING NEWS!!
Next week, the WWF Developmental Territory, the Ohio Valley Wrestling group[p will get an influx of real, live WWF talent at their TV tapings next week.
Apparently, the OVW champ, "The Machine", has betrayed Jim Cornette and is now a "rouge" champ... too big for Ohio... too big for his britches!!
So, Cornette vowed revenge by promising the Machine that every match he has will be a title match, and each match will be a "living HELL!!!!"
Keeping to his word, Cornette will bring out The Big Show for the Machine to fight next week... with Kanyon and Rhyno waiting in the wings for their turn.
Actually, it must be pretty cool to be in Ohio and see this go down.
I got all of this from PWBTS.com, who got this from the OVW website... which is a sucky website so don't waste your time.
SCHERER JUST SAYS NO
From yesterday's Lariat:
In the interest of full disclosure, earlier this week I was approached by MECW to come and work for the company but I have decided not to accept their offer.
Is he boasting? Has the pressure from the Message Board kids who torture him drove him too far? Or is he really just disclosing everything? YOU decide!
SIX DEGREES OF RYDER FAKIN'
Not sure if you noticed...
"Funny" seems to be an ambiguous word..."funny" as sometimes your friend are laughing with you or maybe laughing at you....
"Ambiguous" is also a term for someone who may be construed as "gay" or at the least, having gay tendencies..
Among other wrestlers, KANE has been in the news lately; it seems as though he may be someone who likes seeing the big, sweaty, muscular other wrestlers in the buff...
Buff Bagwell has also been mentioned by some as a wrestler who may "go the other way". Which would leave one to believe that his alleged backstage antics may be easier to put up with by someone who admires his "pompous and arrogant ass"
Like John Collins, the owner of MECW..
Both of whom have been recently taken to task for their actions by...
BOB
I have to be honest, I never noticed this one.
FLAMES FROM A INDY MORON!!
So, over the last few weeks, I've been trading e-mails with a guy who swears he's an Independent worker. None of the e-mails have been pleasant.
He started with me, and I... seeing what a dummy he is, played along...
The only problem is, I forgot that Hotmail does NOT automatically save your responses like Outlook express did, so my answers are gone... but I remember what i said for the most part... so I'll tell you what I said... so you can see what a F-ing idiot this clown is.
Oh, and you'll eventually see him basically ADMIT that Nepotism is still alive and well in the biz...
Note... unlike OTHER web guys... NONE of the following e-mails have been altered, touched up, or edited in ANY WAY, other than the occasional "*" to cover naughty language.
Here we go... Letter #1... from him, totally unsolicited:
Working in this business now for several years, I'm very upset with you throwing the word "boys" around as if you are one. Quit trying to act like you fit in with the "boys" or I'll get you in the ring and make a boy out of you.
The All American Jeff Peterson
Okay, so right off the bat, he does the CARDINAL sin in the business... he decides to flame a net guy and tell him what he can and cannot say.
Oh, and he wants to beat me up.
I responded by saying I'll call wrestlers, "boys" whenever I damn well feel like it. I also told him to get a life.
Here's letter #2:
I'm starting to think you like to call us boys, because you want to do some sexual, if that is so, your sick dude. Now, I'll invite you down here to my Uncles Center in Tampa Bay and make a man out of you. You don't use the term "boys" unless you are one of them. I can surely tell you are not one of the boys.
Listen, if your ever in the Tampa Bay area, or in the North East when I'm there lets arrange a shot fight. I'll pop you like a pimple you son of a bitch. And I don't really care that your gay, I just think it is very funny.
The All American Jeff Peterson
So, now he hints that he thinks I'm gay... but then admits that he REALLY doesn't think I'm gay... but came to the conclusion that since I report about wrestlers, I might very WELL be gay. Obviously, it didn't dawn on him how silly that sounds... and that if guys who talk about wrestling seem gay, then what does that say about the wrestlers THEMSELVES?
Note... if I'm ever in either Tampa or the North East, he'll beat me up. That's a hell of a drive for him... he gets around.
So, I responded by pointing out that rolling around the ring half naked with another guy is more homoerotic than what I do...
Proving that even though I suck, he still reads the column, he opened the third e-mail by discussing the MidNews column where Scherer ragged on me and I discussed it. (Refresh yourselves by going HERE)
Here's the third letter:
Your bigger and better than 1wrestling.com. Yeah, I guess your right. Oh wait, why is it that they write for a huge site, books, mags, work for wrestling organizations and you write for 411. LOL LOL LOL. Damn, your gay. Listen man, you might write a better column if you take your dads d*ck out of your ass.
The All American Jeff Peterson
So, he proved to have NO reading comprehension skills, because if I did not say 411 was bigger or better than 1 wrestling... that would be foolish...
He also seemed to think, (although I did NOT give him any sort of hints that being called gay bothered me) that his poetic gay cracks are getting to me.
So, I responded to him and told him that I never said 411 was bigger or better than 1bob. I am pretty sure I started making gay cracks towards him too, just to see if he'd get all upset. I also pointed out that each letter I got from him was getting dumber and dumber...
Things got worse... as Letter #4 testifies:
I look dumb? Damn, I would have thought somebody with such a huge ego who writes for a pro wrestling website and a small one at that would be the dumbass. Man, it must be tough for you being gay, man would I love to get your ass in the ring and make a man out of you.
The All American Jeff Peterson
Re-read that last sentence... and note that he has NO IDEA how unintentionally ironic he is being.
Now, 411 is not a small site... and I told him as much. I also started ragging on his joke of a career.... and called him a backyard wrestler. He got defensive.
Letter #5
Listen up. Check in with reality. You write for 411wrestling.com a small website which loses money. So how the hell have you gotten such a large ego? When most people waste 5 minutes out of their day to read one of your columns, they get the image of a fat 25 year old gay virgin typing away at the computer. The fact is that if I got you in a street fight or in teh ring for that matter me and my guys would whop your ass. Some of the guys who have my back would literally make you crap your pants. Then lets bring up the point that your patheic dude. Maybe, if you clean up your act you would get noticed by a real wrestling publication. The fact is that you have been doing this for an X amount of years, and although your claims say your such a great writer, you are not even writting for a major publication. DAMN, you suck
The All American Jeff Peterson
I didn't bother asking him how he KNEW what 411'as financial status was.... or how he knew what people thought of me.
But the funny thing was how he went from beating me up HIMSELF to getting his BUDDIES TO HELP beat me up. I pointed this out. I also kept up with the backyard wrestler accusation. Now he REALLY went off...
Letter #6
You should f**king stick 411 right up your ass, you bitch.
As for me being a backyard wrestler? I would hope your aware that I've wrestled in the ECWA Super 8 tournament on two different occusions. Only the top 8 Indy wrestlers around are invited.
Last time I checked, I'm the only wrestler on record to return from lung cancer, which also caused me to miss about a year out of the ring, yet I'm still able to work a few matches a month now. The fact is that this 150 pound body is tougher than your ass will ever be.
The All American Jeff Peterson
So, now he was going for sympathy with that silly lung cancer thing.
That's right... he is 150 POUNDS!! He makes X-Pac look like Yokozuna.
I wrote back and asked what moron had the creativity to name a company ECWA. I also made fun of his Cancer (hey, I'm still ME) and said that he must smoke like a chimney in order to get the taste on penis out of his mouth.
His response... and watch how he JAMS his foot in his mouth here...
Letter #7
Well, that idiot who created the name ECWA is the owner/booker who is my uncle. The fact is that two out of the past years it has been voted Indy Fed of the year. And by the way, Kidman, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Edge, Christian, and so many others have competed with me in the Super 8 tourney. In fact me and Jeff had a classic match if I do say so myself when Jeff was only 18, and I was 16. BTW, who the hell do you think you are to make fun of someone with cancer? My lung and lymph cancer had nothing to do with smoking. F**k, I was 19 when diagonsed with it. Damn, I'm placing a call with RVD to kick your ass.
The All American Jeff Peterson
So, not only is he name dropping... and probably lying about it...
BUT... he explained WHY he was the only wrestler invited to that big Super * EXCLUSIVE tournament TWICE... the guy who owns it is HIS UNCLE!!!
He's an IDIOT!!! A F-ING MORON!!!! I told him as much... goofed on this blatant nepotism, goofed on his cancer, and pointed out that I'm SURE RVD had better things to do with his time.
His response is Letter #8
WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL THE UP!!!
Listen, I know you have a lot of tips like you gave me on being gay, but I'm not gay. LOL, I was checking that parody that the guy does of the Midnight News Report, and it is literally funny as hell. Your such a f**king dumbass it is a wonder your even able to connect to the Internet. Damn, I was talking to a few of the guys at the training center such as Quinn Nash and Dustin Rhodes and they also think your a f**king dumbass. Do yourself a favor and just leave the buisness. It is like an AAA player staying in AAA baseball his whole career, he gets known, but by AAA fans.
The All American Jeff Peterson
Well, he was talking about a little flame on me in the 411 forum which included a parody of the MidNews... it wasn't bad, actually.
I commented on his creativity and asked if he came up with telling me to please shut the hell up all by himself... I also asked if the "All American" (and doesn't EVERY WRESTLER include the name of their gimmick in private e-mails?) was a rip-off of Kurt Angle, Sgt. Slaughter, or Jim Duggan?
I also pointed out the irony of a Indy wrestler who has been doing this for YEARS and still hasn't made it telling ME about AAA... I also told him that I wasn't even IN the business.
Note... more name dropping. Also note that he jumped back into the gay jokes.
That SHOULD have been it... but just a few minutes ago, he RETURNED...
Letter #9
LOL, well, I'm back from my show last night in Beaverpool, and just realized how much ass you suck.
The All American Jeff Peterson
He also included that parody of the news that I had mentioned.... apparently, he ran out of things to say himself.
Ah, and it's back to gay jokes.
Ah well.... I know he's reading this... I also know he's not bright enough to know how embarrassing this will be for him... so expect more in the future.
Thanks Jeff... thanks for being YOU!
BUT, PLUGS
Ken Anderson does the 411 Video Recap and examines his tape of the second Clash of Champions. Going against the grain of ALL video recappers, Ken has told me that he is NOT the "Next Dave Meltzer"... plus, he has a good haircut. He is such a REBEL!
Josh Nason posted another 411 Indy Report. I didn't ask, but it's a pretty safe bet that Ol' Josh has never heard of "the All American Jeff Peterson" either.
Finally, Ben Morse "rounded up" (HAW HAW) a bunch of 411 staffers... well, four) for the 411 Post Summerslam Roundtable is up. This is where they go over SS and see which 411 guy made the right predictions, and which one hit tanked out and made a fool of himself.
Didn't I have Ben Morse fired yet? Jesus. Gotta talk to Widro.
KIDDING... I'm kidding, dammit. Ben is a vital and much loved part of 411... well, well liked at lea... well, liked... well... umm... No, no... he's doing just fine and we are better off with him!
How about we end things with another look at the life of the rich and fabulous... yes, the paupers of the world can drool as we hear from the insipid....
RENAL RETENTIVE!
A quick stop at the Rena Mero website informs us that Rena recently had a birthday! Come read as she TOTALLY relates to her audience by bragging about how wonderful her Birthday was...
First of all I would like to thank my fans and friends for the thoughtful cards and gifts. ( I DEMAND TO SEE PROOF OF THIS!!!)
Leave it to my husband Marc to plan an unforgettable birthday! My sister Cathy and my best friend Susan came in from Jacksonville. We had many of our friends come over on Saturday night to celebrate. My good friend Loann made one of my favorite desserts, she calls it "Death by Chocolate", I call it "Death of my career" LOL(Umm... day late and a dollar short) It is so delicious once you get started you can't stop!
Let me describe it for you: It's a layered concoction that consists of brownies, chocolate liquor, chocolate pudding, toffee and whipped cream. You might as well rub it on your hips, because that's where it's going!(Sounds like a metaphor for a big Black guy... now that's a birthday gift!!)
They had a super stretch limo pick us up. It was big enough to hold 14 of our friends! (She's so in touch, isn't she? She's so grounded in reality!!) We started at a comedy club in Orlando named "Bonkers" that was hilarious! (Yes, what a crazy name for a club!! HAW!! "BONKERS!! HA!!!) We then made our way to one of Orlando's top dance clubs called the Roxy where we had more of our friends meet us. They reserved a nice VIP section for us!(To keep those scuzzy "fans" of hers away... she loves you all very much tho'!!)
I want to thank managers Vito and Mark from the Roxy for a wonderful evening. They always treat us so well. (Free swill... comped all the way!!) We danced and partied until early in the morning! The limo ride home was a riot (They must have passed by "Bonkers"... or "riot" is Rena Code for "orgy"!!). Some things I just shouldn't write about! (Orgy with that Black Guy!!) Needless to say we all ended up back at my home. After expanding so much energy everyone was hungry and there it was.... The Death by Chocolate! (Oh she's such a wit!!) Everyone indulged. We were eating and laughing so hard, (Marc has a small penis!) Then we get a knock at the door, It's the limo driver telling us he's stuck in my yard. It's 3 in the morning, I live on 11 acres and I got a limo stuck in my yard! Can I offer you some Death by Chocolate!!!!(So, before she threw this poor shlub off her land, she made him entertain her and her friends by giving the big black guy some oral sex!!)
The rest of the column was all about her plugs... so you wonderful fans who she LOVES (from a distance) can support her opulent lifestyle.
Man, she's doesn't KNOW how great her site can be.
Well... I've had it. I'm off.
"Death by Chocolate"... well, welcome to "Death by Bitterness"
This is Hyatte